I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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