I want to make a zoo with you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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