you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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