literally had 100 drinks last night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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