to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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