Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
