Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
