My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
