I'm gonna have a badass scar
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Randomize
