Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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