i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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