pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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