Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
