i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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