he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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