How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
