i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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