my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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