a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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