Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we're so committed to being not committed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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