so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
