I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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