I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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