Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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