o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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