She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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