i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
