But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
