Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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