Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
pray to the hookup gods
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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