watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
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He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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