Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
