you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
