everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
