I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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