Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think your dad took our porno
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
