she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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