Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
