Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Can you bring me the toilet please
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
