Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
