Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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