barbara walters just said penis...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
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I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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