Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize