I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
