she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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