Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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