What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
