We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
