Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
