I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
two words...techno handjob
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
