So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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