So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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