so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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