Quick, to the slutcave!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
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How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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