you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
