So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
