She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
