my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
